[Public]

[inthistwilight]

im going away in a few days time
and i honestly dont think ill come back

i think ill die
 
but i think im okay with this.

Comments

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

but

but i was going to

not again.

[knowmycall.livejournal.com]

[Fletcher stares at Dylan's handwriting for a solid minute before the neurons in his brain fire in the right pattern and he understands what he's reading.

He swallows before writing his reply.]

Where are you going, Dylan?

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

[There's a long pause. She's sorry, she really is. She was planning on saying something, but she wanted to at least make it private enough. She'd been rehearsing it.

And now she's worried. She needs to do this. Alone.]


to go and see a man.

[knowmycall.livejournal.com]

about a horse?

And I'm guessing this man is dangerous, since you think you might [he hesitates] die.

Can I say that I'm not okay with that?

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

i wish there was a horsie.

yes.

[Another long pause.]

i thought you wouldnt be
its okay

im sorry.

and now this seems like a goodbye and i dont want it to be a goodbye but i think it might be.

[knowmycall.livejournal.com]

This is not a goodbye. I don't do goodbyes over paper.

Can I see you?

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

oh.


if you want. im home right now. packing.

[And unpacking, then repacking. Then unpacking, then repacking again. Then moping.]

[shellbreaking.livejournal.com]

What? No.

Dying's not okay.

It's not an okay with this okay

It's not an okay thing. What are you

No,

No dying. Please. That happens too much

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

im sorry :(

maybe i wont maybe ill be okay.

i just

i dont know.

dying might happen but im okay with it

i cant help it.

[allthesigns.livejournal.com]

[WAUGH. Her chest clenches painfully when she reads this, and she should understand. As an angel of death, she should understand, but it's always harder when it's someone she knows and cares about.]

Why do you think you're going to die?

[shellbreaking.livejournal.com]

no but that's not

that's not

you can't die

it's not okay

people die all the time and there's never any choice and I

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

but isnt it better if i do have a choice?

im doing something i want to do
something i wanted to do for long long time

so i choose to do it
i choose and okay with the fact i might die.

still sad. but isnt it better?

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

[She's so sorry, Sarah. She really is. She doesn't want you to see this. She planned on lying. Because to Dylan, sometimes lying is better than hurting people the few people you care actually about.]

because it might happen.
i dont know but it might

[Locked]

i have to go and kill someone
very very important to me.

theres always a risk
but this even more so. i think.

[allthesigns.livejournal.com]

[She would rather know. It isn't in her to judge someone for circumstances she doesn't understand. She would rather know than find she just never sees Dylan again, wondering what could've happened.]

Not many people are okay with it. There's nothing to fear when it comes to death. It comes when it's supposed to. There's a time for everyone to die, but I still hope it's not yours.

[Locked]

I'm guessing this person you have to kill did something to you.

And you have to go alone? No one can go with you?

[shellbreaking.livejournal.com]

I don't know

I don't

I don't like death

it doesn't feel better

[shellbreaking.livejournal.com]

good luck though

I mean I hope you don't yeah.

[knowmycall.livejournal.com]

[That's as good an invitation as any. Fletch shows up around ten minutes later and doesn't bother knocking.]

Dylan. Open up.

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

[And she is busy lying on her sofa, arms over her eyes, moping. She would move, but she has a tiny ginger kitten asleep on her chest.

Thankfully, the door is unlocked.]

Door's open. Come in.

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

maybe death feels nice

when there's nothing left
no sadness. nothing bad.

its just nice

[MARK. ;; She is just trying to make it less hard for you. She's really trying. ;;]

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

thank you

i will try.




take care mark.

[knowmycall.livejournal.com]

[He enters silently, moves over to her silently, and sits.

And remains silent.

He just looks her, green eyes wide in a way that suggest actual fear. It's not a good look for him. He's trying his best to keep his face from betraying the panic rising in his chest, but his eyes give it all away.]

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

[She probably hadn't thought of that. She doesn't think of a lot of things, as much as she tries. She wouldn't have wanted her to worry.]

i dont get why i am. i bring death to so many people but i still dont understand it. but i just im okay.

i hope so too.
but if it is
then thats okay too.

[Locked]

he did.
he killed my mom. long time ago.

i dont want anyone else to get hurt. no one else should go through what i went through. what i saw. no one should see that.

it would be for the best

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

[She doesn't say anything for a long time, she doesn't even move. Finally, she peeks at him from under her arms before promptly hiding herself again.

It's a look that's enough to burn.

And she's never felt more sorry.]


I'm sorry you found out like that. I

[She pauses, swallowing hard.]

I w-wanted to say sss-something, but then I didn't. Didn't want. Not want to worry you. Didn't.

But then I w-wanted to tell you, buh-but not like that. Nn-ot public on the journal like that.

[knowmycall.livejournal.com]

Regardless of what the rift did or didn't make you say—

[He frowns.]

D'you have to do this on your own?

[fellfrommyheart.livejournal.com]

[She pauses for a moment and moves her arms away from her face. She stares hard at the ceiling and nods.]

Yes. W-well, it was what I always planned.

But all the things I th-thought up, what I'd d-do. No one else should see them. Nngh-no one.

It's down to me and him. Just us.